From the outstanding resume file - a resume I received yesterday for a Project Manager position:

Personal Attributes
I am highly enthusiastic, hard working, opinionated and motivated to work under my own initiative or as part of a team.

1. I have extensive practical experience of fault-finding…

Which explains why his team wants him to work on his own initiative. In all fairness, the candidate goes on to finish item #1 with:

…and problem solving systematically.

Certainly  a lot easier to do once you’ve established blame.

There’s a sentence later in the letter that suggests English isn’t a strong suit –

My team were involved in maintenance, repairing and servicing of general electronic equipment down to component level, I was responsible for a team of ten technical staffs, managing them on a day to day basis, and helping them with any problems, and ensuring the team achieved their targets within set deadlines and planning work for staff and monitoring the progress, defining where appropriate, providing regular reports to my company board and conveying practical solution on designing systems to my R&D department and risk assessment of my work.

Well if that doesn’t get him an interview, perhaps his response to the ‘Are you willing to relocate?’ question will:

Yes, London 100% and Minneapolis 50%

That’s a shame, because our position requires 100% attendance, which might be tough if the candidate is always in England, but maybe it’s like that old Superman episode (and I mean Steve Reeves, not the guy from Smallville) where Superman splits himself in two through force of will.

The kicker is probably not as funny as the writing – the position the candidate is responding to has not been on an active job board for at least a week. But with credentials like that, who cares if you take your time responding to the opportunity?

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First off, the word “wacky” should not be used in any form of writing.  Second, this Yahoo Hot Jobs article - Wacky Job-Seeker Stunts - lists some . . . zany gimmicks for attempting to land a marketing/advertising position:

• Puts up posters of himself in your company parking lot.
• Attaches pineapple scratch-and-sniff stickers to his resume.
• Announces his candidacy with a singing telegram.
• Sends lottery tickets with her resume.
• Rents a billboard that you can see from your office to list his qualifications.
• Bakes cookies with icing to write several reasons why she should be hired.
• Delivers pre-paid Chinese food, including a fortune cookie with his name and number.

Yeah, it doesn’t work (emphasis mine):

Less than half of the executives surveyed — 46% in advertising and 34% in marketing — said they might consider an applicant with a gimmicky resume, and only 2% of marketing execs and 8% of ad execs said gimmicks would help a candidate get hired. In other fields, where creativity is a less critical job skill, a candidate who sends a shoe “to get a foot in the door” will probably be dismissed as unprofessional, recruiters say.

Standing out is one thing, singing telegrams are another.  I’m always amazed that candidates don’t do the simple things to land a job like simply calling in to a company if they provide a number.  A well-written resume with a focused cover email goes a long way.  A network contact may have an in or know somebody in the company.

Again, it is amazing how candidates will focus on gimmicks when content is king. 

Of course, they were marketing positions.

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This sentence is from a cover email regarding a sales position:

I am educated up to an MBA.

I still am not sure what that means.

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I have been searching through online resumes and came across this commentary in a cover letter:

I am a 63 year old male just recently let go from my job because I’m too old. Don’t worry, I’m fighting it but in the meantime, I need a job.

You know, some things are better left unsaid.

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I’m digging around the resume pile again and came across a title that I actually enjoyed (slightly edited by me):

Sales Pro Seeking New Dragons To Slay

I know, it is a bit quirky, but it stands out which is important in it’s own right.  I opened up the resume to look at the details inside and found this piece of information under the Education section (redacted by me):

_________ University
1986-2001
Liberal Arts

So much for the good title.

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I got a kick out of this - I’m looking through resumes online and I came across one that was listed as confidential.  Candidates put a title to their resume that often says “Experienced Sales Professional” or something of that sort.  The candidate can then hide their personal contact information (name, address, phone, etc.) and their current employer.  This person did that.

Except the title for their resume was their actual name as in “John Doe’s resume.”

Oops.

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We’ve been working through a fair amount of initial sourcing activities the past week or so and I’ve come across something that catches my attention.  I’m seeing more and more posted resume/cover letters that state what a candidate is not looking for in their next position.

No telemarketing positions.

No work-at-home schemes.

Not interested in travel.

Must have benefit plan or not interested.

I understand the desire to be focused in a job search, but I notice a negative effect when I read through these types of statements.  Immediately, I start thinking about what other restrictions may be part of this candidate’s baggage.

I suspect there are many companies out there approaching any new resume listing with the chance to become a millionaire by selling weight-loss drugs for just 2 hours a week from your home computer.  Annoying for sure, but I don’t think an introduction to an online resume is necessarily the best forum for voicing restrictions.

Sales candidates who take this approach always give me pause.

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This is the title from a sales resume:

sales pro here looking for best carrer oppertunity

Spell check is a jobseeker’s best friend.

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This excerpt is from the cover letter of a salesperson:

Telemarketing There is no better.

willing to work Short Term, Long Term, Temp. Commision, depending on rate of pay.

Currently i am working a sales job, however, i do not like it, although i am very good, great at it I am only making $7 an hour.

Pass.

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I came across a sales resume this morning that listed this title for the person’s current sales position:

Bid Writer

Every siren at Select Metrix simultaneously went off on that one.  If you are in sales and this is your title, change it on your resume.  This title reads of someone who simply responds to Request For Proposals (RFP).  Yet, this salesperson describes himself as a “High Performance Salesperson.”

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