I started laughing out loud when I read this title for an article in Sales Vault’s weekly newsletter. I just got off the phone with a persistent telemarketer who did it to me. So what is this “Barf Factor?” The author, Kelly Roberston, describes it as:

Too many sales people mistakenly believe that they should open their conversation with a background and history of their company. Or, a complete description of their products, services, or solutions. It’s seems like they can’t control what comes out of their mouth once they open it. They puke. They barf. They spew all over themselves.

Exactly what the telemarketer had just done to me. I am not a prospect for the product he was pitching but it didn’t matter. He wasted 2-3 minutes going through a canned speech only to hear me say no thanks, I just purchased a competitor’s item.

But enough about the telemarketer – what tips can you provide your salespeople so they don’t “barf” on their prospects and customers? Here is the criteria Kelly suggests you use along with an example script:

• It focuses on the other person.
• It conveys how you help your clients & customers.
• It is easy to understand.
• It does not contain an excess of adverbs or adjectives.
• It intrigues the other person.
• It must be delivered in a conversational tone.

Mr. Adams, I’m Pat from Geeks R Us. We specialize in helping small businesses like yours fix computer problems. The reason I’m calling is to see if you have ever experienced computer problems, and if so, how have they affected your business?

The example is not perfectly constructed, but it is better than what I just experienced. Too bad I didn’t have the telemarketer’s email address to send him this article – it could have saved him the 3 minutes he spewed on me.

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Seriously. From abcnews.com’s Basic Training For Business Types:

The most domineering boss has a way of melting in the presence of the drill instructor’s flush cheeks. And the royal waistline loses some of its cache when draped in mesh gym shorts

“Yeah, we break down their egos real quick,” said Senior Drill Instructor Matt Terlop.

Terlop is a former U.S. Border Patrol agent, and the lead drill instructor at CEO Boot Camp.

This is almost surreal. I enjoy the concept and was hooked into reading the entire article when I read this line:

“We want this to be an excuse-free environment,” Terlop warns.

Amen to that. All sales departments should have a big sign that reads This Is An Excuse-Free Environment.

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We are asked from time to time about the best way to conduct an employee compensation review. I have to relay a story to you regarding a friend’s annual review. Here’s how it played out.

She sat down with her manager and recieved a very positive review. She was told she was one of their better employees – recieving 3’s and 4’s out of 5 in all performance areas. In fact, my friend is the top person in her territory and the territory is ranked 2nd out of 8 in a large corporation.

Everything was going well and she received a lot of verbal praise about her performance. Then the manager told her that she would be receiving a 1.5% increase in salary and it would be this amount. My friend interrupted her manager and told him, “That is my current salary.”

The manager asked, “Are you sure?”

He then looked it up on his computer. After about 5 minutes he said, “You’re right, but you are really going to like this then. You are actually going to be getting a 2% raise this year.”

This raise was less than $600 a year. Her manager told her that she really needed to bust her butt because he wanted to win a corporate contest and was not going to settle for second place. My friend is motivated by money so his statement was launched at the wrong time. He never told her what was in it for her: extra cash, a trip, recognition, nothing. The only thing that mattered to the manager was that he would not settle for coming in second place.

Suffice to say my friend was completely de-motivated.

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We are coffee house aficionados as I have mentioned in previous posts. One of my goals is to be a barista some day. Now a Pioneer Press article describes a coffee university – Enrollment grows at Espresso U. I now have a new motivator! In case you doubted the appeal of coffee:

Nationally, the number of coffee houses has nearly doubled in the past six years. According to the Specialty Coffee Association of America, there are almost 24,000 coffee houses in the U.S., up from 13,800 in 2001.

The addition of wireless internet has made them a business hot spot. Yesterday the Rock Star and myself were working at Panera in the early morning before meeting with a client and we observed at least 10 business people working on laptops, 3 different business/sales meetings and 1 company (?) meeting of 8 people at one table. None of this is news, just an observation.

But be careful – this is pure coffee heresy:

To fuel its expansion, Starbucks in recent years has dropped manual espresso machines from many stores, replacing them with automated models that are faster and more efficient.

That is just plain wrong.

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