You knew we had to do it. These anecdotes come from Killian Advertising and their Cover Letters From Hell page. Absolutely classic content for your reading pleasure.
First, I think their reasons for these poorly written communications are spot on. I believe point 1 is the primary explanation:
A writer uses pseudo-legalese because he lacks confidence in his authentic voice. From undergraduates trying to ace our Creativity Test, to MBAs immersed in BizSpeak, applicants feel they must inflate their prose by imitating Dickens, or combing the thesaurus to select – sigh – precisely the wrong word.
That misguided approach leads to this:
“Who’s better to spew out incite, than a college senior … ?”
“I also have a degree English which serves me well in editing text for poor grammer or typos.”
“May I ask you for spending a little moment in looking at some of my interesting facts?”
“I will be able to input your agency with a wide and nouveau perspective in the creative field.”
“I am a motivated, self-igniting person who greatly entertains the challenges of bettering myself and the performance of work that I do.”
Brutal. Just plain brutal.