{"id":1526,"date":"2008-04-22T10:00:21","date_gmt":"2008-04-22T15:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/04\/cover-letter-comedy\/"},"modified":"2008-04-22T09:59:17","modified_gmt":"2008-04-22T14:59:17","slug":"cover-letter-comedy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/04\/cover-letter-comedy\/","title":{"rendered":"Cover Letter Comedy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Killian Newsletter is out which means another fabulous installment of <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.killianadvertising.com\/NL28\/index.html\">Cover Letters From Hell<\/a>.\u00a0 This edition features some dandies:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>&#8230;take this full of life, creative, fun, hardworking, quick learner, hands-on, intelligent, good looking, individually and help him by giving him the best possible experience, so he can continue the legacy of provided high level, knock your socks off advertising.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>That&#8217;s why one should have important letters read \u2013 out loud \u2013 by someone else.<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;ve always had food-industry clients, and yes, we talk about food a lot, but we&#8217;ve never before been ordered to actually <em>be<\/em> food:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8230; being a member of the (name withheld) Organization, and, braise yourselves, even participating in a folk dance ensemble for the last 14 years.<\/p>\n<p>Please except this statement and resume as a good sign that I am interested.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, making it easy to decide on whether or not to meet with me. Given that I will go on&#8230;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Oh, you&#8217;ve made it easy.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>You guys are different. You guys small.<\/p>\n<p>I am an &#8220;out of the box&#8221; thinker.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8230; who avoids clich\u00e9s?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.killianadvertising.com\/NL28\/index.html\">Read the entire thing.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Killian Newsletter is out which means another fabulous installment of Cover Letters From Hell.\u00a0 This edition features some dandies: &#8230;take this full of life, creative, fun, hardworking, quick learner, hands-on, intelligent, good looking, individually and help him by giving him the best possible experience, so he can continue the legacy of provided high level, knock your socks off advertising. That&#8217;s why one should have important letters read \u2013 out loud \u2013 by someone else. We&#8217;ve always had food-industry clients, and yes, we talk about food a lot, but we&#8217;ve never before been ordered to actually be food: &#8230; being a member of the (name withheld) Organization, and, braise yourselves,&hellip; <a class=\"read-more\" href=\"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/04\/cover-letter-comedy\/\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"bgseo_title":"","bgseo_description":"","bgseo_robots_index":"","bgseo_robots_follow":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12],"tags":[123,122,564],"class_list":["post-1526","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anecdotes","tag-cover-email","tag-cover-letter","tag-cover-letter-anecdotes"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5Oho-oC","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2331,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2010\/05\/communicate-they-do-not\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":0},"title":"Communicate They Do Not","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"May 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"One of my favorite anecdotal websites is Killian Advertising\u2019s Cover Letters From Hell.\u00a0 I promise you will laugh so check it out.\u00a0 In the meantime, here is a sample of the some \u201cunique\u201d writing: \u201cIt is my desire to develop and generate the revolving scheme to filter to the consuming\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1673,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/07\/dictionaries-save-cover-letters\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":1},"title":"Dictionaries Save Cover Letters","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"July 23, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Killian's Cover Letters from Hell are out again with some highly entertaining fare.\u00a0 This one does it for me: I\u2019m looking for work because even though my company was profitable last year, this year they are expecting a large defecate.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1691,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/08\/watch-the-writing\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":2},"title":"Watch The Writing","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"August 7, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I would not hire a single salesperson without first seeing a writing sample of some sort from them.\u00a0 The information age has made writing a priority skill in communicating with prospects. This cover letter sentence makes me lose my faith in proofreading: I relocated down south due to my wifes\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":182,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2006\/07\/more-anecdotal-encounters\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":3},"title":"More Anecdotal Encounters","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"July 21, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"I decided to mark these general resume emails as anecdotes also. I found this one entertaining: I'm looking for work that doesn't involve customer service. Also work that is relatively healthy in that there are no poisonous gasses or fumes in the workplace ... I have had around 30 jobs\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1696,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2008\/08\/cover-letter-comedy-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":4},"title":"Cover Letter Comedy","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"August 7, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm all for standing out, but this line at the beginning of a cover letter is a swing and a miss. If you can get me excited about your business, I\u2019ll bring the magic. I'd settle for a sales rep who brings the qualifying.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":208,"url":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/2006\/08\/a-pleading-cover-letter\/","url_meta":{"origin":1526,"position":5},"title":"A Pleading Cover Letter","author":"Derrick Moe","date":"August 2, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a new approach for a cover letter: ...please someone help me before im living under a bridge. I personally think it is wiser to explain how you, as an employee, will help the company. But that's just me.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Anecdotes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Anecdotes","link":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/category\/hiring\/anecdotes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1526","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1526"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1526\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1526"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1526"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/selectmetrix.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1526"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<!-- WP Super Cache is installed but broken. 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