I’ve been swamped of late and am still trying to catch up on my RSS reading. I did just read this hilarious post from GL over at What Would Dad Say. You have to read the whole thing – it is excellent. I’m still laughing as I type. The content primarily discusses what not to do in a layoff The post is written from the recently laid-off employee’s perspective.

The line that got me laughing (emphasis mine):

1. Include an obvious misspelling or two in the letter €” ideally, something that would slip past a spell checker but be caught easily by anyone who bothered to proofread it. Suggestion: €œIf you have nay questions . . .€

Unemployed people like to see the kind of flamboyant incompetence that still draws a paycheck.

Oh man, have I been there. I know exactly what the author is experiencing.

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Ok, I have been delinquent in responding to Clayton from Salesopedia and his tag of me. Apparently I have to share 8 little known things about me. I’ll give it a try:

1. I am a twin. I have a “younger” sister – I was born 3 min. before her. Still counts.
2. Although I live in Minnesota, I was born in Ann Arbor, MI and bleed Maize and Blue. I only lived there the first 5 years of my life, but it had a huge impact on me no matter what the Rock Star says.
3. I met my wife at work. I was in sales and she was in marketing. We worked together for 6 months before we found out that we were both ferret owners. I had a male ferret named Otto and she had a female ferret named Emily.
4. There is no sport I enjoy more than hockey. It is simply the coolest game on Earth.
5. I have a weakness for reality shows. Even So You Think You Can Dance. Definitely TMI.
6. I have a desire to be a coffee barrista at Dunn Bros. Irrational, maybe, but truly a passion of mine.
7. I’m a dog guy – can’t stand cats. I may get flamed over this, but I had to share it.
8. I once took a yoga class in college to basically meet some cute gals. At the end of the class, we would stand in a circle as the teacher dismissed us. One time I sat too long with my legs crossed and both legs fell asleep. I was right next to a female student I was hoping to impress. I tried to stand up but kept falling down like a French prizefighter. The entire class stared at me as they tried to suppress their laughter. After multiple attempts, I finally stood there like a newborn deer – teetering on my asleep legs as the teacher quickly dismissed us. The gal next to me did not appear to be impressed. In any way. Ever.

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Ok, bit of a laugh here from an ad I read this morning. The ad doesn’t mention the company name and lists 10 bullet points describing the position’s requirements. The last bullet (and line) in the ad caught my attention:

Experience in sanitation or portable toilets business is a plus

Do you think maybe the author was attempting to sneak that point through like a Phil Niekro fastball?

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Ok, this may only interest me, but I am fascinated by the large corporate environment. So it is obvious that I had to read BusinessWeek.com’s The Most Innovative Corporate Cafeterias. Of course is there is the obligatory Google mention to start the article:

Google’s Mountain View (Calif.) headquarters€”dubbed the Googleplex€”boasts 15 cafeterias, each with its own theme and menu. Options range from regional American cuisine to tapas to dishes emphasizing locally grown ingredients.

Ok, we get it – Google has unbelievable benefits.

Microsoft boasts 26 cafés at its main Redmond (Wash.) campus, with several more slated to open this year and next€”and that’s not counting the pantries scattered throughout the buildings and the more than two dozen coffee stands.

My heart stopped when I read 2 dozen coffee stands. My dream come true. And one last trivial piece of information (with my emphasis):

Not all seek outside help running their cafeterias. Take Hallmark Cards, for example. The Kansas City (Mo.) company has been providing meals for its employees since 1923, says Sally Luck, director of corporate services.

There, probably more than you ever wanted to know about corporate cafeterias. Now I’m off to buy a coffee.

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I kid you not – I just read the employment ad for it. The ad does not describe the position in any way but it does mention that this opportunity is “legitimate.”

A good rule of thumb – if they have to say it is legitimate, it probably isn’t.

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From perusing the morning ads I came across a company looking for a Quality Engineer.  One of the requirements is to be a “Competent technical writer.”

Unfortunately, this plastic injection-molding company misspelled their name in the listing – XYZ Platics.

That, my friends, is a perfect example of irony.

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I’m not sure this is the most compelling statement regarding your own skills on an email cover:

I am better at network management than anybody I’ve ever met

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I have a weakness for poorly-written cover letters and have enjoyed Cover Letters From Hell from Killian & Co.  Their latest newsletter has a new twist – candidate responses to rejection letters.  Ah, new territory to expand my enjoyment.  This is the one that had me rolling:

Dear Madam,

Here in the body and mind of [Name], we express ourselves thoroughly and as accurately as possible. We highly regard integrity and honesty and as such, only pursue those actions that are aligned with those qualities. Thus, we have found some inconsistencies in your response and we feel compelled to respond…

You say that you only ‘are able to’ pursue professional, senior talent with a high level of skill and management experience…

Does that sound like someone who needs help finding a job? Are you insane?

Yeah, let me go work my way up and become a high-powered executive professional, then I’ll come to your no-name company and see if you can’t find me some work.

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This is from a shady-looking sales employment ad:

Now is the time to get into the fast paced sales industry. We are looking for mativated (sic) well spoken individuals with a loose tongue.

I’m speechless.

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From CNNMoney.com comes a humorous article titled Do CEOs make lousy dads (and moms)?  The Q&A format is a discussion of an entertaining new book from a former comedy programmer at HBO.  The guy is now a CEO of an executive search firm in Los Angeles who almost lost his wife during an armed robbery.

The article starts with some stats from a monster.com survey:

…found that 58% think their employers should do more to accommodate the demands of fatherhood; 71% of those with a child under age 5 took a paternity leave when it was offered. The poll also found that, if money were no object, 68% of fathers would consider being stay-at-home dads.

I’m not sure what accommodations they are looking for and I know I could not be a stay-at-home dad.  There must be a happy medium in there.  Anyway, on to the author who was clearly out-of-control in his work/life balance:

I used to be the kind of guy who would be texting clients while riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland with my daughters. It was nuts.

And later on this tongue-in-cheek gem:

They (his family) like me better. I play with my kids now. I don’t take work calls at dinnertime anymore. I’ve accepted that, at home, I don’t have the control over events that I have at the office, which is why most CEOs have trouble with family life. You can’t fire your kids, although I am thinking of transferring them, as soon as I find the right storage facility.

It’s a fun article to read before Father’s Day with a good message.

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